evolution of a toad

So i was thinking, as I'm sitting here trying to write a paper, what it would feel like to be a toad. Because I saw a bio book on the shelf with a frog on it. But not just any toad. A poisonous one. Everyone would stay out of your way and you could jump around and eat flies to your hearts content until you die of old age. Or those toads that you lick and get super freaky high like in one of the Simpson's episodes, and his pupils expand and he trips (psychedelically). Yeah that would be sweet. Except I wouldn't want to be licked all day....or would I ? ;) (no not really)

So sophomore year of high school we had this Am. Lit class, and we were reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and the teacher talked about the author being on LSD, like the author of Alice In Wonderland, and showed us a video of it. I FREAKED out. Seriously, if the world turns into a gigantic kaleidoscope, I am out of here. That's not cool. I don't think that really happens but what if it did. What really happens? I wonder, but I'm not that courageous to go and try it. Besides, where do you get it from, other than reeeaaally creepy people that probably added cough medicine or something weird to it. Which also upsets me because I cannot go to a pharmacy and buy a medicine, without people looking at me weird and asking me to show them my license and sign an electronic agreement with the government to not make meth. Do I look like I have a meth lab in the closet of my dorm? NO. Does my face look like it was run over with soccer cleats like those celeb pics they put up? NO. Do I look like I have time to mix random stuff in my house like toothpaste and toilet water and nyquil and bleach (seriously...cleaning products people? what on this green earth possessed you?) and hope to god whatever I'm making gets me so inebriated I do stupid things or feel good? No motherfucker. I just have a cold.

Advisory note: By the way, thats not the recipe to meth, its just stuff I made up, and it'll probably clean your teeth and stomach and melt a hole through it all. But you'll be drunk off nyquil so you won't notice.

btw, DON'T TRY THAT AT HOME ANYWAY.

-m